I’m getting a bit fed up with the Black Sussex’s bully-girl tactics. She may be bigger than me, and she certainly has a sharper beak, but she hasn’t even laid an egg yet. She bites the humans too but they still don’t seem to realise it would be best for everybody if this spiteful creature went back to the farm toute suite.

At the moment the humans seem to spend every waking moment fussing over us; bringing us fruit and veg and even choice morsels like corn and mealworms. Personally I could live without cauliflower and tough old legumes strewn on the ground, but the other two seem to like having random vegetables thrown at them. They are also keen to go roaming whenever the humans open the Leg Trick Fens, but I can’t really see the point. Sure, there are fresh dandelions and plantains, but frankly I prefer the Layers’ Pellets that we have on tap in the coop. Plus, if the fox does spring I’ll be the one who can capture the whole story for posterity – if only the humans would lend me a camera, the middle-sized one is always taking pictures of us but never thinks to let us have a go ourselves.

The white hen may be top of the pecking order but she’s a lot less aggressive than the Black Sussex. I admire the way she’s always the first to venture out in the morning – I always think it may be a fox that’s opened the sliding door. Mind you, it was quite funny when she tried to peck through the leg trick fence. I don’t know what the humans have done to it, but she jumped six feet or more when she touched it. She tried to pretend nothing had happened, but I could tell from the way she kept ruffling her feathers and trying to look tough that she’d had quite a shock. It was good of her to test it for us though – I wasn’t convinced that the humans knew what they were doing with all those wires, but perhaps I was wrong.